Revenge for Hire 5: Wrath of the Witches
by Solarchos
Summary: The D&D R4H gang has received their latest job. This time it's personal as the Witches 5 proceed to go wild with typically unexpected results! As if Tokyo wasn't messed up enough.


Revenge for Hire

Wrath of the Witches

By Solarchos

An insane laugh echoed through the lab as a white haired man with big glasses, a shadowy face, and a huge red smile observed the results of his latest experiment. Yes, kids, it's Professor Tomoe.

"Perfect!" he called out. "Glorious! Everything's proceeding exactly as planned. When my creations are finished this world will be nothing more than a barren wasteland…ready for the coming of the Sovereign of Silence!!"

"Uhm, Professor?" Enter Mimet, wearing her familiar lab coat and glasses. "Mistress Nine's already been summoned. She said destruction's not good enough for this world. Besides, she's a part of Revenge for Hire, remember?" Tomoe paused for a moment as he pondered this new information.

"Then I'll destroy this world for the greater glory of Shadow Galactica!!"

"Uhm, Professor?" broke in Mimet again. "We can't do that either. Shadow Galactica was bought out by Microsoft and Galaxia already has her own business. Also, doesn't she have a restraining order against you?" Tomoe sighed.

"Well, what the hell am I going to do if I can't use my latest creation to destroy the world?!"

"You could always just level Tokyo…?" suggested Mimet. Tomoe smiled broadly at the thought of it all.

"Yes. Yes! That's what I'll do. I'll just destroy Tokyo! Then I'll ransom the rest of the world! They'll have no choice but to obey my demands!"

"Oh absolutely, Tomoe-sama!" stated Mimet (always the sycophant).

"They'll give me whatever I demand! Even…(dramatic pause as the camera zooms in on Tomoe's face)…_one million dollars_!!" Mimet thought for a moment.

"That'll work!" she chirped. Mimet wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. Of course, everyone already knew that.

"Now, how shall we celebrate my ultimate triumph?" he mused.

"Can we play Twister?!" shouted Mimet, excitedly, hopping up and down, "Can we?! Can we?! Can we?!" Tomoe just grinned.

No one heard the door close as Kaorinite stormed out.

"Ready here!" cried out Black Lady.

"It's targeting!" called out Petz as she sighted through the scope, "Tracking…tracking…target acquired!"

"Fire!" shouted Kunzite. A second later Petz squeezed the trigger. A loud bang, a flash of ignition, and a wave of hot air washed over them all as the Stinger missile fired. They all watched eagerly as the heat-seeking surface-to-air missile streaked up into the sky, turned, and aimed directly towards a certain pegasus/unicorn hybrid. A loud explosion echoed throughout the area as Helios took a direct hit.

"Hoody-freakin'-hoo!!!" shrieked Black Lady, Kunzite, and Petz as a very singed Helios plummeted out of the sky. It only got better as Helios crashed through the roof of Mamoru's apartment.

"Let's do that again!!" shouted Black Lady.

Business had been slow at the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire for some time. All of the villains were starting to get bored. Unfortunately, that meant that some of them had started inventing ways to occupy themselves.

"How did those idiots get their hands on a Stinger missile?!" demanded Eudial.

"From the Internet, I think," replied Demando. "Damn that Washuu Shopping Network." He, Eudial, Nephrite, and Ail were busy playing poker. Anne, Cyprine, VesVes, and Iron Mouse were all watching the Jerry Springer Show. JunJun was asleep on the pool table. Fiore and Rubius were busy prank-calling people on the phone (a la the Jerky Boys). Beruche was trying to cook something in the microwave, but each and every time it came out looking like Sailor "Pyromaniac" Mars had torched it. Mistress Nine, Saffir, and Tellu were at the window eagerly watching Esmeraude and Zoicite in the middle of a truly vicious catfight.

"I never realized until now just how insanely jealous Zoicite could be," remarked Saffir as Esmeraude got the upper hand, tripped Zoicite, and then began kicking him ruthlessly in the ribs.

"No, Zoicite's just plain insane," added Tellu. "All Esmeraude did was tell Kunzite to kiss off, as usual. Criminey, I wish someone would put Zoi-boy on Prozac or cyanide or something…" Suddenly, Zoicite smacked Esmeraude with an upper-cut that sent the green-haired maven flying backwards. A moment later Esmeraude landed painfully on the hood of Eudial's car.

"Da-a-a-a-amn!!!" screamed Tellu and Saffir.

"He knocked her the FUGOUT!" added Mistress Nine. Things really began to get interesting as Naru came out of nowhere and bitch-slapped the hell out of Zoicite.

Someone knocked on the door. Eudial sighed; it was the fifth knock in less than an hour.

"Someone else get that," she called out. "And if that's the Chibi-Animamates again tell them we don't want to buy any damn sailor scout cookies!"

_Chibi-Leady: "I'll have you know those cookies are made from 100% genuine Scouts and there's absolutely nothing wrong with them. Now back to the fanfic _^^;

With a loud sigh Iron Mouse got up and went over to the door.

"Okay, fine!" she retorted. "Ya big baby…" She unlocked the door, opened it, and looked up…right into the underside of Kaorinite's cleavage. "Oh crap! Now _here's_ someplace I never wanted to be…"

"Oh!" replied Kaorinite as she looked down at Iron Mouse. "Aren't you kawaii." Iron Mouse gulped nervously; she'd heard all the rumors about Kaorinite and Eudial. She quickly ducked for cover behind Demando as Eudial stood up.

"You!" said Eudial, a little surprised. "What are you doing here?" Kaorinite raised an eyebrow.

"This is the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire, isn't it?" she asked. "I've got a problem and I need your help to solve it."

"Uh…okay…come on in…" said Eudial with an uncharacteristic degree of nervousness in her voice. Kaorinite smirked slyly and came inside, sitting down at the card table across from her.

"Uhh…what's with Eudial?" asked Beruche quietly.

"You haven't heard?" replied Tellu in a very low voice. "Rumor has it that Eudial and Kaorinite once had a little…ah…"Haruka/Michiru thang" going on."

"What? You mean they're really cousins?" exclaimed Beruche. Tellu regarded her silently for a few seconds…then slapped her across the face.

"So what brings you to Revenge for Hire?" asked Nephrite as he eyed Kaorinite lustfully, imagining Naru in a dress like that.

"I can sum it up for you in one word: Mimet!"

"_What_?!" shouted Eudial. "_Her_?!"

"Isn't she the one who messed with the brakes on your car that one time?" asked VesVes as she and a few other villains kept watching Jerry Springer. The show _really_ began getting interesting as the cast from Dragonball Z came on (and on an episode entitled "Secret Love Triangles Revealed", no less).

"One time? Try every chance she gets! She's sabotaged my car about half a dozen times so far. First there was the brakes. Then she cracked the exhaust system so I'd start sucking carbon monoxide. Then there were the car bombs. I mean, what the hell's her problem?!"

"Well, my problem is that she's after my man!!" shouted Kaorinite. "Everyone knows that Professor Tomoe belongs to me, not that orange-haired bimbo. I just know that skank's trying to seduce my Tomoe. She needs to get her ass kicked and it needs to be done by the best." Eudial smiled savagely as she envisioned all the wonderful, terrible, beautiful things they were going to do once they got their hands on her.

"It seems we finally got ourselves a job!" called out Saffir.

"Yeah, baby!" added Iron Mouse. "Revenge for Hire's back!"

"All right, this is gonna have to be something of an inside job," stated Eudial. "Tellu, Cyprine, Mistress Nine, Iron Mouse, Rubius, and myself will be handling this one. Let's get going."

Struggling desperately, Rubius tried to resist, but to no avail. A moment later he was thrown into the trunk of Eudial's car and locked inside.

"Why on Earth did you want to bring him along?!" demanded Mistress Nine.

"I figured it'd be better to bring him along if only to keep an eye on him," replied Eudial as she and the rest of the villain girls (Kaorinite included) piled into her car.

"Yeah, after finding out about his "Chibi-Usa fantasy" I'm afraid to be alone in the same room with him," admitted Tellu.

"Oh you think that's creepy?" retorted Iron Mouse. "He one time asked me if I'd put on a pink wig and fuku. That man is sick! I can only imagine how Black Lady feels."

"Well, we might need to use him as cannon-fodder," said Cyprine. "So don't complain too much." A second later they were all pressed into the backs of their seats as Eudial floored it…and began drag racing Haruka.

Pikurol and Villuy sat outside Tomoe's house, drinking Crystal Light and munching on nachos.

"What time did your sister say they were going to get here?" asked Villuy as she checked her watch.

"They should be here right about now but with how Eudial drives you never can tell. Remember that time she hit that pothole and practically ripped the underside out of her car?" Pikurol started giggling. "She was so pissed off! Or how about that time she played chicken with Mamo-dork and neither of them turned? Head-on collisions for both of 'em!" Pikurol burst out laughing while Villuy kept a perfectly straight face (she's an android; her sense of humor's a little underdeveloped). Villuy suddenly looked up as something caught her attention.

"I hear Eudial's car approaching…fast!" she said.

"Finally, I…" began Pikurol. She didn't get a chance to finish as a huge crash was heard, followed by the sound of tires screeching. Suddenly, Eudial's car burst through a high row of hedges and barreled straight towards them.

"_Holy shit_!!!" screamed the two witches as they hurled themselves aside, barely avoiding getting flattened. Pikurol and Villuy watched as Eudial's car swerved, fishtailed, and plowed straight through Tomoe's front door. A gigantic crash announced the successful halt of the car.

"The hell?!" called out Pikurol as she and Villuy rushed towards the house, "Eudial!! What's with trying to kill us?!"

"Are you still mad about the time we got you and Michiru drunk and locked you both in a closet?!" added Villuy. They entered the house. The front hall was a mess; Eudial's car had come to a stop partway up the stairs. The trunk popped open and a rather dazed Rubius began to crawl out. Everyone else was stuck inside, trapped in their seats by the front, side, and roof airbags. Pikurol whipped out her staff and started popping the airbags.

"Dammit!!" shouted Tellu as she crawled out. "What the hell happened?!"

"The brakes failed…again!" growled Eudial as she got to her feet. "Three guesses who's responsible."

"Oh, that bitch's dead," hissed Cyprine. "She is so going to get it now!" Kaorinite and Mistress Nine were busy pulling Iron Mouse out, who was really looking worse for wear (she was so small she'd gotten thrown all over the inside of the car when Eudial lost control). Eudial reached back inside and pulled out her sniper rifle. Mimet's punishment was going to be slow and painful: a clip full of depleted-uranium armor-piercers would see to that.

"All right!" yelled Kaorinite. "We're all here, we're all pissed, and it's time to pay back the bimbo responsible for it all! It's time for the wrath of the witches!!"

"_**Yeah**_!!!" they all shouted. They then turned and ran off blindly into the house screaming…and forgetting all about Rubius, Iron Mouse, and Mistress Nine.

"What are those idiots doing?" demanded Mistress Nine. In the background there came the sound of glass breaking, furniture being knocked over, and witches going wild.

"I think they've all got serious psychological issues that need to be addressed," commented Iron Mouse as someone tossed a TV through a window.

"Loot! Pillage! Burn down the Asian grocery stores! Uh, wait, skip that last one…!" shouted Tellu.

"No justice!! No peace!!" screamed the witch-twins as somewhere in the background a smoke alarm began going off. Rubius looked around the corner: Kaorinite and Villuy had somehow gotten a hold of Artemis and were in the process of shaving the white cat bald with an electric razor. Eudial, Tellu, Cyprine, and Pikurol all had a grip on Hotaru and were happily singing "Living La Vida Loca" as they dragged her kicking and screaming towards the bathroom.

"Hold it!!" shouted a familiar voice. Everyone froze and looked around. Hotaru hit the floor with a thud and Artemis ran off screaming. He'd later be found under Minako's bed crying hysterically. Then they saw her: a _very_ familiar odango-haired heroine in an equally familiar fuku. "I am Sailor Moon, the champion of… (WHAP!!!)" Sailor Moon went down like a ton of bricks as all of the witches did a flying tackle on her. Sailor Moon immediately began wailing as they started dragging her towards the bathroom.

"Beat on the brat…! Beat on the brat…! Beat on the brat with a baseball bat!!" they sang as they hauled her through the door.

"Would somebody please tell me what the hell's going on here?!" cried Hotaru as she stood up.

"Uh, hi," replied Iron Mouse. "We're part of Revenge for Hire."

"I know that. I tried hiring you to get Kaorinite for me, remember?" said Hotaru, "She's a subscriber to your "retroactive vengeance insurance policy". Speaking of which can I prepay you guys to do something to her the moment her policy runs out?" Mistress Nine smiled savagely and pulled out a notebook.

"All right. Her policy runs out next week. Would you like to pre-order some creative vandalism, public humiliation, credibility assassination, relationship sabotage, or just a plain, good, old-fashioned ass-kicking?" Hotaru thought for a moment. In the background they could all hear more of Sailor Moon's screaming.

"No!! No!!" she howled. "Please don't bring out the gimp!!!"

"Cool!! They use 2000-flushes Blue!!" shouted Tellu.

"Dunk her, dunk her, dunk dunk dunk…!!!" chanted the others.

"Put me down for a humiliation, a double ass-kicking, and can you throw in a "Satanic Wedgie", too?" asked Hotaru. Mistress Nine grinned evilly as she wrote it all down; her dislike of Kaorinite was well-known. "Now, would someone please tell me why you're destroying my house?!"

"Well…we're here on a job," replied Rubius. "Do you know of someone named Mimet?"

"Oh, you mean that ditzy slut who's dressed like a psychotic shepherdess and hangs all over my father like a cheap suit? Oh yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about. They're downstairs in my dad's secret lab. It's over here." Hotaru began leading them over to a rather noticeable "secret" door in the wall. "Is it too late to order a "Satanic Wedgie" for Mimet?"

"Not at all!" replied Iron Mouse. Meanwhile, Sailor Moon's cries were cut off as she was shoved headfirst into the toilet. All of the witches began laughing insanely as someone flushed.

Rubius moved forward, followed not-so-closely by everyone else. He fumed silently; he didn't buy Eudial's story about his "leadership abilities" for a second. They were using him as a trap detector…or bait. As expected, Tomoe's secret lab was cavernous, underlit, and filled with fog.

"What is it with the fog here?" asked Iron Mouse. "Does the Professor have an obsession with smoke or something?"

"Among other things," replied Pikurol. "He was recently diagnosed with acute Nobuyuki Masaki Complex."

"Meaning he's become a real pervert," added Villuy. "And _you're_ right up his alley, so watch yourself." Iron Mouse facefaulted a little. Just then they passed through a doorway and entered one Tomoe's workshops. It was the site of his latest work-in-progress. The place was another huge room, only this time it was filled with row upon row of large blocky rectangular pods. They all took a quick count as saw that they numbered into the hundreds. All of them were large enough to hold a person. Mistress Nine peered through a tiny window in one of the pods, but the interior was too dark to see anything.

"So what the heck's Tomoe been up to lately?" asked Tellu.

"Something involving genetics," replied Kaorinite. "He hardly tells me anything nowadays."

"Yeah, right," retorted Pikurol. "Everyone knows Tomoe didn't hire you for your brains."

"Hey, look what I found," called out Cyprine. She pointed at a large computer console. All the monitors were displaying the current status of the pods, or rather, their occupants. Lying on a nearby chair was the Professor's notebook.

"Wow, really convenient how he always leaves his notes around for people to find," commented Villuy as she picked up the notebook and started looking through it. Meanwhile, Eudial scrutinized the readouts on the screens.

"Okay, Kaorinite," she announced. "We all know how you feel about the Professor but if he's trying to create an army of flesh-eating zombies I'm putting a bullet through his skull."

"Speaking of the Professor," added Tellu. "Where is he?" Everyone looked around for a few seconds, then shrugged. They continued searching around. Eventually they came to a closed door. Light was coming out from underneath it. Rubius staggered forward as someone shoved him forward. He quietly (and reluctantly) pushed the door open slightly. He immediately sweatdropped big-time and started mumbling incoherently as he backed away.

"What? What've you found?" asked Eudial as she came over. "Is…**_the hell_?!**"

"What is it?" said Iron Mouse as she trotted over to take a look. "Oh my god!! What the hell are they doing in there?!" Kaorinite immediately rushed over and shoved everyone aside, taking a look for herself. She quickly became paler than Hotaru. She opened her mouth to begin screaming, but Eudial and Rubius quickly slapped their hands over her mouth and dragged her away. Everyone else quickly came over to take a look…

"Whoa!!" whispered Cyprine.

"What the f--- is Mimet doing in a sakura costume with her hair in pig-tails?" asked Tellu.

"Well, this certainly explains Tomoe's fascination with Twister," commented Mistress Nine.

"Yeah, twist **_her_**" added Iron Mouse.

"All right, so what are we gonna do?" asked Villuy. "We need some kinda plan if we're gonna get Mimet." Eudial thought for a moment.

"We need a distraction," she said finally. "Iron Mouse, you go back into the lab and try and create one."

"Huh? Why me?"

"'Cause you're smaller, faster, and sneakier, 'cause I don't to be the one he catches, and because I say so," replied Eudial as she loaded her rifle (click). Iron Mouse shuddered a little.

"No! I don't wanna be chased by another pervert! Not after what happened last week with Grandpa Hino!" she whimpered. Cyprine and Pikurol grabbed her and shoved her towards the lab.

"C'mon, get moving!" said Pikurol.

"Yeah, show us that great Chuu fearlessness you're always talking about," added Cyprine.

"Let us down or just go off to sulk and pout we'll track you down and shave you bald, got it?" warned Mistress Nine. Grumbling to herself, Iron Mouse headed back towards the lab while everyone else took up hiding positions near the door.

A few minutes later alarms and sirens began going off. Loud creaking could be heard coming from the lab as something began to happen with the pods. A rather panicked (and sweaty) Professor Tomoe rushed out of the door, pulling up his pants as he went. He didn't notice any of the villains as he ran past them towards the lab. A moment later an equally disheveled Mimet appeared in the doorway…wearing a partially undone schoolgirl outfit…and her hair was in odangoes like a certain blond girl we all hate to love.

"Wait! Professor!" Mimet groaned in frustration. "Ohhh! I was just about to…" She was suddenly knocked off her feet as Eudial bitch-slapped her. Rubius grinned as he looked at the orange witch lying dazed on the floor. Mistress Nine quickly slapped him.

"Hey! Stop being a pervert!" she ordered. Mimet sat up and recoiled in horror.

"Revenge for Hire!!" she cried.

"In person!" retorted Tellu. "Too bad for you."

"It's payback time, you backstabbing wench!" shouted Eudial. Kaorinite and Mistress Nine grinned wickedly. Pikurol pulled a crowbar out of her purse.

"Let the pain commence!!!" shrieked Cyprine. Mimet screamed in terror and tried to run…then several pairs of hands grabbed her and dragged her down.

Grabbing her panties, Cyprine and Pikurol yanked Mimet's underwear outwards almost a meter, then pulled up hard and hooked them up over the shoulders: a variation of the "atomic wedgie" known as the "Satanic Wedgie" or "wedgie from hell". Mimet wailed piteously as she was then slammed into the wall. All of the witches proceeded to whale on her, pummeling her like a high school freshman in the mosh pit of a Gwar concert.

"This is for trying to kill me!!" shouted Eudial.

"This is for not staying dead!!" shouted Tellu.

"This is for trying to seduce my Tomoe!!" screamed Kaorinite.

"This is for downloading all that Internet porn onto my computers!!" yelled Villuy.

"This is for trying to set us up with those perverts, the Three Lights!!" shrieked Cyprine and Pikurol. Mistress Nine and Rubius didn't really have any issues with Mimet. They just pounded her for the hell of it. Mimet tried to scream for help, but someone stuffed a Luna plushie-doll into her mouth. After a few minutes they dragged her over to the nearest table, tossed her onto it, and began tying her down.

"Break out the calligraphy brushes!" called out Cyprine. The rest of the witches slowly and deliberately pulled on rubber gloves (snap) while Tellu pulled out a glass jar containing a clear liquid.

"What the heck is that stuff?" asked Rubius as he tightened the knots holding Mimet down.

"Silver nitrate," answered Eudial fiendishly as she and the others began dipping their brushes in it, "Oh, Rubius, you'll like this next part. Strip her naked."

"Okay!!!" he replied. ^_^

"Silver nitrate is a little high-school chemistry wonder substance," added Mistress Nine as she started painting on Mimet's face. "It looks just like water, but if you get it on your skin in 24 hours it'll make a dark black stain beneath it. You can't wash it off, either. It has to wear off."

"And that takes upwards of a week!" giggled Villuy as she and the rest of the witches began writing kanji of shame all over Mimet's body. Mimet could do nothing to prevent Rubius from stripping her, the witches from desecrating her pure, young body (yeah right), Tellu from shaving her bald…or Kaorinite from taking a _lot_ of pictures on her digital camera for later uploading onto the Internet.

"Get away from me, you freak!!" shouted Iron Mouse as she drove her fist into Tomoe's face, knocking the mad scientist out cold. As he sprawled to the ground, Iron Mouse followed up with several savage kicks to his ribs. "Hi! (whack) How ya doing?! (whack) Enjoying it ?! (whack) I hope so! (whack)"

"Professor!!" screamed Kaorinite as she sprinted over. "Get away from him, you little shit!!" Iron Mouse burst out into tears and leapt into Mistress Nine's arms.

"Mommy…!!" sobbed Iron Mouse. She was almost hysterical. "He wanted me to put on a sakura outfit…!! And dance for him…!! And he wanted to do awful ecchi things to me…!! It was so _scary_!!!" With a look of disgust Mistress Nine dropped Iron Mouse.

"Wow. Tomoe really is a pervert," commented Tellu. They were all back in the main lab. The alarms had stopped, but all of the pods were now open and empty. "So what happened? What did you do?"

"I went back to that main console and began playing around with the controls," said Iron Mouse as she slowly stood up, rubbing her butt painfully. "I found this one big flashing red button that said "Do not press" and pushed it. Then I ran like hell. Professor Pervert there cornered me and…" She trailed off, shuddering a little. "Oh god, I need a shower. I feel so dirty." Suddenly, Villuy and Cyprine rushed up. They both looked rather nervous.

"What happened to the things in the pods?!" cried Villuy.

"Uh, I dunno," replied Iron Mouse. Cyprine grabbed her by the collar and hauled her up to her face.

"What happened to the things in the pods?!" she shouted, repeating Villuy's question. Her eyes flashed with a look of urgency.

"What's going on?" demanded Eudial. "What's wrong?"

"I finished going through Tomoe's notes," said Villuy. "I've figured out what it was he was working on."

"It's bad! It's really, really bad!" added Cyprine. "Oh my goddess, we are so screwed!" Pikurol quickly came over and smacked her twin sister upside the head.

"What?! What is so bad?!" she demanded.

"Don't you realize what is was he was working on?!" cried Villuy. "It's worse than flesh-eating zombies!"

"He's used recombinant DNA from Sailor Moon and someone named Mihoshi to create a clone army!" exclaimed Cyprine.

"WHAT??!!" shrieked everyone. Rubius swallowed nervously.

"This is bad, isn't it?" he asked. Eudial just nodded silently.

They walked through the streets of Tokyo. Several hundred of them: tall, brown-skinned women with doe-like blue eyes and long wavy blond hair that hung from odangoes on their heads. All of them were dressed in armor-plated fukus.

"Gosh, I'm getting really hungry," said Mihosagi-0188 suddenly, stopping in the middle of a major traffic intersection as she said this.

"Hey, you too?" asked Mihosagi-0317, who was right next to her.

"Hey, you too?" asked several more nearby Mihosagi's. They all stood in the middle of the intersection and started discussing their eating options. Suddenly, an SUV shot through the intersection, striking one of them. Mihosagi-0099 cried out as she was knocked onto the sidewalk. Her armored sailor suit saved her from any real injuries, but she began crying loudly nonetheless. Meanwhile, the SUV skidded to a halt. Queen Beryl herself jumped out and stormed over.

"Hey!!" she screamed as she approached the crowd of Mihosagi's. "What the f--- are you motherf---ers doing?! Get the f--- out of the road!!" As usual, Queen Beryl wasn't in a good mood.

"You hurt 0099!" exclaimed one of the Mihosagi's. "You're a bad person! Bad, bad, bad!"

"Wow, you're really ugly, too," added another. "And your hair's really bad, too. You should do something about that." General murmurs of agreement arose from the gaggle of Mihosagi's. Further down the street came a loud crash from a Mihosagi-induced accident. Queen Beryl started fuming.

"Oh, I'll do something all right," she hissed. A loud smack echoed throughout the intersection as she bitch-slapped the nearest Mihosagi. The clone in question immediately began wailing. The street suddenly became very still as all of the other ditz-clones tuned to face Beryl.

"You are a very bad person," called out one of them. "You must be severely punished!" Suddenly, all of them took a step back and struck the world-famous Sailor Moon pose.

"_We shall punish you_!!" they all shouted. Then they all pulled out AK-47's from down the front of their fukus.

"Uh-oh…" mumbled Beryl. A door to a nearby noodle shop suddenly opened as Galaxia stormed out, still slurping up ramen noodles.

"Shut up out here!" she shrieked. "I am trying to eat!! Don't make me come over there and kick your asses!!" She stopped when she noticed several dozen AK-47's being pointed at her. "Oh bugger…!"

The R4H gang ran out to the edge of Tomoe's lawn. From the top of the hill his house sat on they could just see the multiple fires burning in downtown Tokyo. The sounds of sirens, assault rifle fire, and explosions could easily be heard in the distance. A moment later the Tokyo Tower began to buckle and twist, its upper stories partially collapsing.

"Uhhh…" remarked Rubius. "This is really bad, isn't it?" Pikurol glanced at her watch.

"Oh! Iron Chef's coming on! Gotta go!" She and Villuy quickly dashed off.

"Oh shit," commented Iron Mouse, "If they find out we're responsible for this we're gonna be in deep soy sauce. We might wanna call Johnny Cochrine."

"We? What do you mean we? You're the one who pushed the damn button, squeaky," retorted Mistress Nine.

"Actually, why the hell are we so worried? It's not like it's our problem," remarked Tellu.

"Besides, our business license specifically exempts us from all responsibility in the event of any collateral damage caused by our actions," added Eudial. "In other words, we're villains: we're expected to blow things up."

"Oh, in that case, who's up for dinner?" chirped Kaorinite, happily. "My treat!"

"Cool! Let's go!" replied Cyprine. The R4H gang all piled back into Eudial's car, drove through another wall on the way out of Tomoe's house, and tore through the streets towards the nearest steak house, blissfully ignoring the rampant destruction around them. They didn't notice the hordes of fleeing bystanders, the massive traffic pile-ups, Mamoru being tackled and dragged into an alley by several amorous Mihosagi's ("Mamo-chan!!!"), or every cake and candy shop being thoroughly looted by the ravenous ditz-clones. They also didn't notice Queen Beryl and Galaxia running for their lives from an entire company of irate air-headed clones.

After all, it was just another typical day in Tokyo.

The End


End file.
